Create heroku account
4. Connect to heroku (and learn how to do this)
5. Rent some database server (nice!)
6. Connect to database server, find out that connection does not work because you need to whitelist your heroku app
7. Upload it finally
8. Find out that something broken and you HAVE NO IDEA WHERE, because you're just novice and you already have ~5 technologies instead of 1.
wtf
Yes, thats because PHP is designed for non-programmers — so that should be easier for who that don't want to know how web works.
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